trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
