DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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