pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
