They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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