I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
