My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
