hotel room ftw
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
