So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
