omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
