Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
