I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish my penis had an off switch
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
