Fuck appropriateness.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
