Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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