Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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