And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
