I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
