Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
