And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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