i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize