38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My vagina is officially offended.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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