I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
