All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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