i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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