Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
