Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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