Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
