I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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