Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
