The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
