brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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