I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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