gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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