did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
