At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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