I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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