i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
