I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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