did you get engaged???
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
