I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
