Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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