I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
