Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
