god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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