my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
