I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
