I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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