..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's blow job season.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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