just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
