this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
