every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
