quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
