he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
