if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
