Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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