There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
