i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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