I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
