uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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