maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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