I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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