Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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