Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
