But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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