I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
