I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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