Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
