fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let's get the cat blown out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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